The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Hey, everyone and welcome to another edition of Phil Goes to the Movies, and this holiday season we have journeyed together through most of the big block buster movies. This time around we are looking at the second installment of the Hobbit... Did this movie hold up and entertain me to the fullest or did it make me want to choke myself with the one ring to rule them all? Lets dive in:



The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug- Ok, where to begin, where to begin? Well, the movie starts off "Pulp Fiction" style, with a quick flash back how Gandalf first meets Thorin. After this scene we get back to the main story line with our heroes still running across the country side. Never understood why some of these dwarves are fat, because they are freaking constantly running, so i dunno maybe I'm looking too far into that. Luckily, the movie throws action at the audience right away, with a fight with giant spiders, which can speak, and thats the most creepy freaking thing i have ever seen. Why, you might ask? Because now, the spider can tell me how to go fuck myself as it bites me!

Anyway, though the movie moves, what seems like a rapid pace, at the same time, it really drags on and on at times.... For example, our heroes are captured by the elves and imprisoned, but don't worry plot will allow you to escape equally as fast. Then again we are forced to watch for about 45 minutes about how much of a dick the elf king is... yeah, i can tell that by looking at him, so lets move this shit along. I mean, the movie seemed to speed up the things that should count, and waste time on other shit that doesn't.

Then of course, we come to the barrel scene, this scene was ridiculous and made the movie, in my honest opinion. The main reason was because, I have never seen anything like it before, and it was like twelve minutes long of awesomeness. I mean you have the dwarves riding inside barrels down the white water rapids as Orc warriors are trying to kill them with throwing knives and arrows. They were even jumping onto the barrels getting into fist fights with the dwarves, and the same time the elves are killing the Orcs. The scene at the right balance of humor and action.

Then we see Gandalf doing his own thing, where he battles a mysterious new necromancer, and the special effects were pretty good. Before journeying into the ruins to face the necromancer, Gandalf meets up with Radagast, the Brown. We are now in the second movie, and no one and i mean no one has told this poor schmuck, that he has BIRD SHIT ON THE SIDE OF HIS FACE!!! Gandalf, don't be that guy, tell him he literally has white, encrusted shit on his face....jesus christ!

Now, the elves.... oh the elves, I really liked the new bad ass female elf, Tauriel, but it got really old really fast for me for some reason... like no Orc can beat these guys! Finally, Legolas got his ass beat by an Orc general, but still wasn't that bad of a beating. The things the elves did were cool, but like I said after awhile, ok, enough already we get it, you guys are awesome, defying the laws of physics... whatever... maybe I'm judging too harshly.

 So, thats it for now for Phil Goes to.... oh wait, theres a dragon in this movie, my most favorite magical creature of all time! I forgot about much like the movie did too.... it was literally 2 hours and a half hours into the movie and no dragon! FINALLY! We see the thing that the title of the movie was based....the dragon, named Smaug. Now, I will admit this dragon was very well done, from the way it looked, moved, and the voice they used was perfect. The type of character of being an arrogant, pompous, which if you think about it if you couldn't be killed normal weapons, you would be too. I enjoyed every moment Smaug was on the big scene.... I wish I could have seen more of him!

Final Verdict- 8/10 The movie was good, with enjoyable characters, and some really amazing action sequences, like the barrel scene, but it is extremely obvious they are stretching the plot out. I understand, because the source material was one book with 300 pages, but come on, I guess they are going to milk this cash cow, until its dead. Then Gollum will get his own spin off movie!

Well, thats it for now, there are a few more movies coming out, and I will be there to review all the holiday movies. This is Phil Goes to the Movies, so you don't have too!